News!

RON feels he needs to note that he has had no involvement in ‘Are you really worth £21,000’ stickers which have been attached to a lot of the sabbatical candidates posters. If RON had been involved they would have included his sexy, equine visage; how could he deprive you, his faithful public, of an opportunity to stand in awe of his gleaming coat and piercing eyes? It just wouldn’t be fair…

It’s also worth noting that RON is absolutely worth £21,000. It’s actually his stud fee.

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A little EUSA trivia

Did you know EUSA is making about £4500 available to the candidates in the election for printing their publicity?

RON questions whether students should be forced to pay for other people to print pictures of their faces, but he’s a horse and has clearly missed the inherent value of burying the entire campus in soggy cardboard.

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How to vote for RON!

 

Okay, there seems to be some confusion regarding how one goes about voting for RON. He’s upset, he really is. He actually changed his name just so he could run and you, his adoring followers, are confused. This was not our fearless leader’s intent. He feels a brief clarification is in order.

RON, as well as being a very very sexy horse, is also an acronym.

R.O.N.

Re. Open. Nominations.

See, it’s pretty, isn’t it? (It’s also vaguely grammatically inaccurate, but we’ve been over RON’s grasp of English before and talking about his ‘language issues’ makes him pretty uncomfortable. He feels it’s horseist.)

So how do you vote to re-open nominations?

Well, assuming that the software used for the election hasn’t changed, when you go on MyEd to vote you’ll be shown a list of the candidates standing for each position. And at the bottom of that list there’s an extra box. That box will say something like ‘None of the above’, ‘Re-open nominations’, ‘God, this lot look incompetent’, that sort of thing. Tick that one and none of the others. Then wash, rinse, and repeat for every position RON would like to be elected to*, making sure to lather properly and use a quality conditioner.

That a little clearer?

Great. Now relax and have a listen to RON’s favourite song…

 

 

*That’s all of them. Well, mostly the sabbatical positions. He’s only really up for the jobs that he’ll get paid for, he’s smart like that.

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Vote RON

 

 

RON’s campaign isn’t about YOU! (He doesn’t really understand pronouns)

 

RON’s campaign isn’t even about making sure that YOUR VOICE is heard! (He can’t actually speak, come to think of it)

 

RON wants one thing and one thing only…

 

 

A year off lectures, more than £20,000 from everyone’s tuition fees, and the best CV fodder you can get with a few shitty posters and a bit of hob-nobbing round Pollock!

 

 

RON’s Manifesto-

1. He’s a horse and objects to the term ‘man’ifesto.

Okay, fine.

 

RON’s Horseyfesto-

1. He hasn’t really thought about it that much but he’s sure he can just agree with everything everyone else says and hope that he’s pretty enough that everyone votes for him.

2. He kinda wishes there was more actual hay in Haymarket. He might look into that.

3. He’s totally up for a twenty-four hour library. Partially because everyone has been for the last five years and he’s smart enough to know he doesn’t really need to actually do it. Also, he struggles to read the opening times.

4. RON doesn’t like the cuts very much but he doesn’t know whether it’s actually relevant to a campaign that will only give him control over a student union. But he figures he can say it anyway, makes him look ‘radical’.

5. Free oats in the library cafe.

6. A University wide ban on glue. Too many of his friends have suffered.

7. ‘Neighbours’ on the TV in the library bar. Not just when the show is on, all the time. Except when Countryfile is on. And The X Factor (Leona Lewis is his sister after all).

8. More policies coming soon.

 

 

SO, VOTE RON FOR EVERY POSITION HE’S STANDING IN! (Which is all of them, he’s a bit of a whore like that.)

 

 

 

On a slightly serious note:

Yes, RON knows that by running this campaign he’s trying to undermine the democratic process. He would like to note that if any of the other candidates have an issue with him they should really look at themselves and ask ‘If I lose to a poster put together in half an hour using only some knock-off photo-editing software and a Google image search for the phrase ‘retarded horse’, do I really deserve to be paid tens of thousands of pounds for my ‘services’ anyway?’

Also RON’s kind of a dick. That might have something to do with it.

Feel free to drop RON an email via me (Will, his campaign manager/stable-boy), but if they’re funny he’ll post them on here. So you’ve been warned. Like I said, RON’s kind of a dick. How much of a dick? Almost as much as this guy…

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