RON’s campaign isn’t about YOU! (He doesn’t really understand pronouns)
RON’s campaign isn’t even about making sure that YOUR VOICE is heard! (He can’t actually speak, come to think of it)
RON wants one thing and one thing only…
A year off lectures, more than £20,000 from everyone’s tuition fees, and the best CV fodder you can get with a few shitty posters and a bit of hob-nobbing round Pollock!
1. He’s a horse and objects to the term ‘man’ifesto.
1. He hasn’t really thought about it that much but he’s sure he can just agree with everything everyone else says and hope that he’s pretty enough that everyone votes for him.
2. He kinda wishes there was more actual hay in Haymarket. He might look into that.
3. He’s totally up for a twenty-four hour library. Partially because everyone has been for the last five years and he’s smart enough to know he doesn’t really need to actually do it. Also, he struggles to read the opening times.
4. RON doesn’t like the cuts very much but he doesn’t know whether it’s actually relevant to a campaign that will only give him control over a student union. But he figures he can say it anyway, makes him look ‘radical’.
5. Free oats in the library cafe.
6. A University wide ban on glue. Too many of his friends have suffered.
7. ‘Neighbours’ on the TV in the library bar. Not just when the show is on, all the time. Except when Countryfile is on. And The X Factor (Leona Lewis is his sister after all).
8. More policies coming soon.
SO, VOTE RON FOR EVERY POSITION HE’S STANDING IN! (Which is all of them, he’s a bit of a whore like that.)
On a slightly serious note:
Yes, RON knows that by running this campaign he’s trying to undermine the democratic process. He would like to note that if any of the other candidates have an issue with him they should really look at themselves and ask ‘If I lose to a poster put together in half an hour using only some knock-off photo-editing software and a Google image search for the phrase ‘retarded horse’, do I really deserve to be paid tens of thousands of pounds for my ‘services’ anyway?’
Also RON’s kind of a dick. That might have something to do with it.
Feel free to drop RON an email via me (Will, his campaign manager/stable-boy), but if they’re funny he’ll post them on here. So you’ve been warned. Like I said, RON’s kind of a dick. How much of a dick? Almost as much as this guy…